Some things never change

I feel so alone. I am with someone, but not really with them . That's what you get for starting something with a married person I guess.

Why couldn't I pick something easier for a relationship? Because I know how this turns out. He's still going to be married and I'm going to be the one who gets hurt. 

I liked having someone who told me that I was beautiful and they meant it. I liked feeling that I was special , that someone wanted me . But the reality is that I'm not special , I'm a distraction . I make things better, that's why he sticks around. 

I want to come first in someone's life. I want to have someone who can spend the night with me. I want someone who can respond anytime of day when I send a text. I want someone who will cuddle with me and cook with me. I want someone who doesn't have to sneak out to spend time with me. I want someone who shares my passions (in and out of bed) . 

I just want to have someone to be myself with and never feel like I'm a guilty secret.

Why does no one ever want me as more than a friend? What is wrong with me?

Fucking hate always being alone