My skin makes me sad

Scars crisscross over my body, from the backs of my arms to the circumference of my stomach, riddled up and down my thighs. Scars of my own making. Not the kind one makes with a blade, I have those on my left wrist as well. No these scars I'm more ashamed of. They are ugly and ruin the texture of my skin as well as make me never want to share them with anyone. Stretch marks are absolutely disgusting, if I'd ever been pregnant at least I'd  have the baby to blame. But, no, just me and my lack of control in my life. Compulsively eating when life wasn't going well has now left me disfigured for the rest of my life. People try to make it sound better by saying that they fade, oh great they go from pinkish-red to albino white, how lovely. They will stand out if ever I tan my pale Alaskan skin, scar tissue never behaves the same as regular skin. 

Sometimes I almost feel that I look ok, but that's when I have clothes on. All it takes is one glance in a mirror or my shirt sleeve to ride up to remind me otherwise . I'll never have smooth unmared skin again. I'll always be like this, no lotion or surgery can fix it. I could have reduced the damage SOO much had I recovered sooner, each pound gained tore my flesh to accommodate needing more room. 

It won't matter how thin I ever get, I'll still have to cover up. The texture really grosses me out, the larger scars are half an inch wide and easily 6-8 inches long. Doesn't matter how flat your abs are when they are covered in hideous scars, you won't be showing them to anyone. If I ever get around to getting a tattoo, I can't choose several locations due to all the scarring.

Was trying on clothes at the store today, had the lovely full body lighted mirror to show me all my imperfections . Nothing ruins a day faster than feeling hideous no matter what you do. Can't even afford to get new clothes anyway, besides, it's not like they make it look any better