No, not the movie, the concept. Some things in life seem as if they never end. In my case, it seems like a never ending story of things going wrong. My life when it decides to fall apart does so in a massive way. In a multi-part saga of mini tragedies. I'm so tired of that, why can't I have a streak of good luck or something just not so sucky?
Even having depression is a never ending feeling. Why couldn't I be one of those people who actually responds to medication and gets better?
Grrrrr! I'm just so mad at everything and I hate that. That's not who I am or who I want to be.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Dead Like Me
"Dead Like Me" is an amazing TV show. The premise of the story is that Grim Reapers walk the earth and are given post-its with names,times, and locations to pull a soul before painfull death befalls them. They then escort the soul onward to ... let's just call it their afterlife.
Anywho, the first episode starts with a new to the job Reaper. She is learning the ropes of the job but is having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that they can do nothing to stop a person's death. In an attempt to see if she can alter fate, she moves a small child away from her regular seat on a train that is doomed to crash. The girl survives the accident due to the Reaper's interference. However, once the Boss Reaper finds out about her interference, he is livid.
He tells her "Every soul expires. Do you know what happens when you keep a soul around after its' time? If you don't take her soul, it's going to wither and die and rot inside her."
I have thought back on this quote many times. Sometimes I think, that's what must have happened to me. Because I remember being a different person, having a passion for life. But now, all that is gone. My soul is tired, I can feel that.
Did someone forget to take my soul when I should have died? Because I can feel it dying inside me, and I can't keep living like this.
Anywho, the first episode starts with a new to the job Reaper. She is learning the ropes of the job but is having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that they can do nothing to stop a person's death. In an attempt to see if she can alter fate, she moves a small child away from her regular seat on a train that is doomed to crash. The girl survives the accident due to the Reaper's interference. However, once the Boss Reaper finds out about her interference, he is livid.
He tells her "Every soul expires. Do you know what happens when you keep a soul around after its' time? If you don't take her soul, it's going to wither and die and rot inside her."
I have thought back on this quote many times. Sometimes I think, that's what must have happened to me. Because I remember being a different person, having a passion for life. But now, all that is gone. My soul is tired, I can feel that.
Did someone forget to take my soul when I should have died? Because I can feel it dying inside me, and I can't keep living like this.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Goodbyes
Leaving is always harder than one would expect. Even if you hate something and want to get away from it, routine is a hard habit to break.
Having words be the last thing between you and someone.
Saying that this is it, there will be no more. Sometimes for just a while, sometimes it's forever.
The questioning of what happens when you are no longer there.
Goodbyes are hard, but sometimes they are the only thing you can do.
Having words be the last thing between you and someone.
Saying that this is it, there will be no more. Sometimes for just a while, sometimes it's forever.
The questioning of what happens when you are no longer there.
Goodbyes are hard, but sometimes they are the only thing you can do.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
It is just some pressure...
Thank you people I rent my room from. Like I don't have enough stress in my life right now. I have now been given an ultimatum: Get a job by December 1 or you can't live here. And I quote "Its not to be mean or anything, we just feel you need some added pressure to really get out there and get a job"
What a bunch of shit. I am barely going to be able to scrape together enough money to pay for some of my rent this month. So I guess no matter what, I'm moving out and doing it soon.
I really don't need this right now. I am hanging on by a thread as it is. Now I have people telling me I need more pressure? If other people felt half of what I do, they would have already killed themselves from the stress alone. I'm doing the best that I can to get by, why don't others get that? Oh, that's right. It's because they have absolutely no idea what it feels like to have to deal with this disease 24/7 without ever getting a break.
What a bunch of shit. I am barely going to be able to scrape together enough money to pay for some of my rent this month. So I guess no matter what, I'm moving out and doing it soon.
I really don't need this right now. I am hanging on by a thread as it is. Now I have people telling me I need more pressure? If other people felt half of what I do, they would have already killed themselves from the stress alone. I'm doing the best that I can to get by, why don't others get that? Oh, that's right. It's because they have absolutely no idea what it feels like to have to deal with this disease 24/7 without ever getting a break.
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