What I Would Have Said, Given the Chance

Hey,
So I had THE WORST customer in my entire career today. I was so angry after the interaction that I was visibly shaking, the adrenaline from holding in my urge to punch and hurt this man causing tremors in my hands and knees. And because I am me, I was so mad i wanted to cry... cause you know... that helps when you're mad, involuntary tears. Since I was working graveyard, I was the only one at work and couldn't take 5 to collect myself and decompress.

I feel I did the best at not being verbally rude back given the situation, but I SO wanted to.

So here's a list of what I wish I could have told the man if I hadn't been in uniform, on the clock  (in no particular order):

LISTEN! I am not a fucking idiot, do not mistake my job for a lack of education on my part. You were a condescending asshole from the very beginning of your order, so YES you were being rude to me. Trying to threaten me by wanting my "supervisor's name" to report the supposed "slight" to you is laughable. I AM the assistant manager, which I told you, and my "manager" will back me up whenever it comes to assholes like you. By the way, by all means, TRY to get a hold of him, he's gone for 3 weeks and I am running the store in his absence. Oh? You wanna talk to the district manger? Go to the very top? GO AHEAD!

I have worked here for 2 years, have an immaculate record of being a trustworthy, dependable employee. I could tell you to "Go Fuck Yourself!" or any other choice phrase, and no one would even believe you. I could sit there all doe eyed and shocked as they tell me "well this is what he said you called him" and deny it flat out. Me? Profanity? I've "never" resorted to that in the workplace to resolve issues...

Call the cops to remove you, after I politely asked you to leave? I was already leaning to the phone when you made the bluff. If security hadn't taken over, I would have dialed the police on your ass with no hesitation. And you told the night manager of Walmart that you wanted me to apologize? At that point I knew you just wanted a pound of flesh, and I refuse to pay. You can take that apology and choke on it. With some help from my fist punching you in the throat. I don't give a fuck that you are an old man, I would have beat the shit out of you and not even felt guilty about it. Maybe even used my tip jar as a weapon to add some irony to the situation.

You should have just let it go. You should not have come back up to my counter TWICE to try and berate me. I know my rights and I don't have to put up with your bullshit. But I knew, I knew you wouldn't let it go and already had given the nod to security to escort you out if you approached me again. Poor move on your part dipshit.

Don't tell me I don't understand the meaning or context of a word; I had a college level vocabulary back in 4th grade. I am fairly sure my IQ is higher than yours. Do not talk down to me and try to tell me I am stupid, I am many things in this life, but stupid isn't one of them.

But, now let me talk plainly, so there is no misunderstanding my word choice and its intent.
If you hadn't been so rude throughout your order, I might not have made the comment about "courteous" people. After the scene you made, you clearly showed which group you belong in. And here's a hint: IT'S NOT THE COURTEOUS GROUP.  I refuse to spend one more minute talking with you as my time is worth more than dealing with sad-ass excuse of cunts like yourself. I am more than you can ever conceive or achieve in this life. I worship the ground that awaits your grave. WHY DON'T YOU GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY HIDE-AND-GO-FUCK YOURSELF!