But, I'm not.
I hate how someone will make a comment, something in jest or a small aside, and yet something about that comment sticks in your head. You can't let it go. Your mind keeps turning it over and over . Making a big deal out of most likely nothing, or taking something very hard to heart that you'll never forget.
I'm damaged. That was the comment that was made, and it hit me really hard. They were talking about something completely silly about me and made the comment that I was damaged. And it struck me. I sat there and didn't say anything for a moment. Just thinking about that statement in a larger context.
I am damaged.
I was something good but now I'm not.
Still functional but not as good as the original.
Not the same as normal.
My feelings, my reactions, my mind, and my body... I am damaged.
I won't say what's on my mind.
I'm in conflict with what I want from people .
I never feel comfortable in my skin.
My wants/desires and willpower don't mesh.
I'm a contradiction.
I am damaged.
Thanks for telling me.
Travis a few weeks ago trying to comfort a friend who is recently divorced told the guy that since I've been morningsick I've been pretty useless. I know he didn't mean it hurtfully and it was supposed to console a friend not be a jab at me, but it was. And there may be an element of truth to it, but it bothered me. I called Travis out on it and made sure he knew that despite not functing at full capactity I was still more than useless.
ReplyDeleteI guess what I'm thinking is that maybe theres some truth in their words, but its not the entirety of you. Its not who you are. We are all a bit damaged and contradictory. Its a process of being human. How can we compare ourselves to an original self? We are individuals and individuals evolve and change.
A quote that reassures me:
"I will grow, I will become something new and grand, but no grander than I now am. Just as the sky will be different in a few hours, its present perfection and completeness is not deficient. So am I presently perfect and not deficient because I will be different tomorrow."
-Wayne Dyer